The government is spending millions of pounds on a 'fire kills' campaign to prevent us from reducing ourselves to ashes.
At the same time a Kent fireman Gary Mann has been convicted by a Portuguese court of being the ringleader behind the fighting on the streets at Euro 2004. He is currently back home in England having escaped jail on a technicality.
Can no-one else see the opportunity here? What the government should do is put their cheque book back into their pocket and use Gary Mann to spearhead their campaign.
The strategy is simple. Once the fire brigade have rescued those caught in a house fire, they should beat the holy crap out of them.
This will reduce house fires at a stroke, save millions of pounds, and put the fight back into firefighting.
I suggest renaming the campaign 'fire really fucking hurts'.
DUCK SOUP - click to enlarge