Tuesday, September 28, 2004

In the childerness

When you are young you rely on the wisdom of your elders.

When you become an elder you realise you have no wisdom.

It is a case of the old not leading the blind.

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Out of my tree?

I've had what I think is a winning idea for a new business. It's a chain of country pubs called The Treehouse.

Each pub has a minimum of four large oak trees in the garden and in each there will be a treehouse, the size of Tarzan's lovenest, for adults only.

Parties rent the treehouse by the hour, or for the whole evening for £250. Each treehouse has its own bed, table etc so anything goes. And each is linked to the bar by technology so you enter your round remotely and a waitress comes to the bottom of the tree and you pull your order up on a pulley.

I can't see this failing, and it's just the kind of novelty pub that the country needs, and people would definitely invite their friends just because of the uniqueness.

The only slight flaw is that I don't have any money to invest, and even if I did, despite many years drinking, I can't recall any pubs with oak trees in the garden.

However I refuse to be bowed. I'm going to start by buying a field. Then I'll build a pub, and then I'll plant four acorns. One day I'll be a millionaire.

Sunday, September 12, 2004

Keeping the Olumpic flame burning

What is the point of the Paralympics? It's a competition for people who can't run as fast, jump as high, or throw things as far as other people.

And before the PC brigade start flaming me or sending me foetuses through the post consider this:

Can you imagine having a Mastermind competition for people with an IQ of less than a 100. Questionmaster: 'What is your specialist subject?' Contestant:'Pass'.

Can you imagine the announcement: 'Tonight on Sky Sports 24 there is a head to head football encounter between Jewsons (Romford) X1 and Bigglesmith Reserves.

People who are shit at something may enjoy it but why should anyone else be interested?

Everyone wants their day in the sun and in the interest of fairness and non-discrimination I would like to suggest the Olumpics, a multi-displine event for the over 20 stoners.

Just imagine the spectacle as 12 jelly monsters, sweating profusely, struggle to complete the marathon, otherwise known as the 100 metre sprint. And the diving events would be a must for all sports fans.

If someone doesn't stop this insanity we're all going to end up watching David Beckham finding the meaning of life and Stephen Hawking winning the high jump.

Thursday, September 02, 2004

Falling off a blog...

Not blogging is not like falling off a log.

Back from hols. More to come. Equally dull.