Friday, March 10, 2006

Read all about it...

I went into my local newsagents last night and discovered they have installed a suggestion box for customers.

I dropped in a piece of paper suggesting that as, whatever people say they will ignore them, they should get rid of the suggestion box.

Instead they should have an autosuggestion box so that when they deliver me the Daily Star yet again, I'll think I've got The Times that I ordered.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Why fillings are a burning issue...

By 2020 80 percent of the UK's mercury emissions will come from crematoriums, according to a report just released.

Apparently the problem is caused, because while we go up in smoke, the fillings in our teeth do not. Instead they rain down from crematorium chimneys upon the living, presenting a real danger of mercury poisoning.

If mercury is such a hazard it begs the question why it is packed into our mouths in the first place. But the solution being discussed is that dentists will have to remove fillings from the mouths of the deceased before they are permitted to depart this mortal coil.

Call me cycnical but it's hard enough getting an appointment with the dentist while you're alive; how on earth do you get one when you're dead?

And even more worryingly does this mean that once we have been admitted through the Pearly Gates we will have toothache for eternity?

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Funny names

I know a guy called Dick Spray, although I think he prefers Richard. I have known several people called Dick Head, although co-incidentally they also prefer to be known as Richard.

Everyone claims to know a Mike Hunt or two and I once met a German Wanker, although I'ms sure this claim isn't unique.

I did laugh though when it was suggested this week that Sean Bean should have called his son Les. Now that would have been funny.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

A rather tricky photo competition...

Which story on the BBC website do you think this photograph illustrated? Give up? Well it accompanied the news that financial workers in the City of London are set to earn £7.5bn in bonuses this winter.

According to the caption: 'Liposuction is a popular treatment for male City workers'. Oh that explains it. Obviously a Ferrari would be totally out of the question.

The scene of the crime

Move on please. There's nothing to see here.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Nearly that time again

Yesterday I saw my first TV ad for Christmas, next Christmas that is. Yes December 25th 2006 is now just 350 days or so away but already 'the countdown has started' according to Family Hampers.

In a similar vein think I might start buying in some champagne in case there's a shortage come the millennium.