Sunday, July 04, 2004

King of the roadent

I used to have a rat living in my car.

His tenancy began when I took some rubbish to the tip. As I was removing the bags, the rat jumped out from one of them, and disappeared back into the car.

When I got home I left all the car doors open allowing him to escape but the rat had other ideas. Clearly enjoying the prospect of being chauffered around he decided to take up residence.

Food was no problem, as every day he ate a little bit more of the car. First of all great chunks disappeared out of the seats. Then he ate the rubber housing around the gearstick. Next he attacked the seatbelts.

Passengers seemed surprisingly alarmed to be sharing a lift with a rat. I thought it added an extra frisson of excitement to the journey. They rode around with their legs in the air.

In a bid to stop the rat completing devouring my sole form of transport, I began leaving him food overnight. He ate it all voraciously, and still chewed various bits of the vehicle.

Alarmed that eventually I would be left with only a steering wheel, I decided to take action. I put the cat in the car.

I think he got on well with the rat and for days I was driving around accompanied by the cat and the rat but surprisingly no passengers. I began to see myself romantically as some latter day Noah, and wondered whether I would have room for a rabbit or maybe a small sheep.

But then one morning the rat was gone.

I kind of miss him.

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