I have a particular loathing for the people of Hartlepool. It is a hate that runs deep and can be traced back to the Napoleonic Wars when they hung one of my ancestors believing him to be a French spy.
Many people wrongly believe that it is the elephant that never forgets. It is not. It is us simians.
How we gloated a mere 200 years later when the monkey hangers got their just desserts in the hideous form of Peter Mandelson.
Now Mandy is moving on to gravy trains new, but don't for one moment think that happiness is returning into the lives of the mean-spirited burghers of Hartlepool.
Robert Kilroy-Silk has announced he is planning to stand in the town's by-election.
If only the monkey hangers knew where they had buried my great great grandfather they would disinter him, ply him with bananas, and plead with him to put his candidature forward.