I haven't been playing football for the last year while awaiting a shoulder operation and it has been one of the most frustrating periods of my life.
However, we all have a dream. And the other night I dreamed I was playing football again. In my dream I was pressing on the shoulder of the defender and he decided to knock the ball back to his keeper - but he underhit it.
In this vivid dream, I had recovered the speed of my youth, and I realised that I could slide in ahead of the defender, get to the ball first and poke it past the keeper.
So I sprinted at full pace and lunged at the ball with my left foot.
The next thing I knew was that I was wide awake and sliding across the bedroom floor at high speed before colliding painfully into a chest of drawers.
In great embarrassment I looked back to see what the Piranha made of it all, but the bed was empty as she apparently had suffered enough during the first half and had gone to sleep in the spare room.
And the worst part of the experience? I still don't know whether I scored.