There was a debate on the radio today, the gist of which was that we are all bored to tears with Big Brother, http://bigbrother.channel4.com/bigbrother/ and that Reality TV has had its day.
I can't agree. The problem with Reality TV is that it is not real. Each version of Big Brother, for instance, is a completely contrived exercise, ergo we find the whole thing as dull as a dead dog.
If any TV producers are reading this then take note: what we want is real excitement, and if I can be modest, I have devised the ultimate reality TV show.
Called simply REAL, it would feature eight contestants living their normal lives over seven weeks but on camera. Each week, a terrible fate would befall one of them.
The format needs some fine tuning but for the working draft I am suggesting that week one would see a contestant violently mugged, week two would see a contestant run down by a car or light van, week three a contestant's house would be burned down, week four a contestant would be raped (male or female because I don't want a sexist charge to be levelled at me) week five would see a member of a contestant's family kidnapped, week six would see a contestant being wrongly imprisoned for child sex crimes, and then with just two contestants left, week seven would involve one of them being bloodily murdered in their own home.
I envisage some legal problems but just think of the viewing figures, especially in the final week with both contestants knowing that one of them would be dead by the end of the show.
Another small detail to be finalised is the prize, because I just can't make up my mind, and would like your help. Originally, I thought £1million for going through such an ordeal, and then I thought bugger it they should get nothing, their prize is to be the only one not to be traumatised or dead. All suggestions welcome.
Copyright Spluttermonkey Productions May 2004.