Why is nothing too good for you?

Alcohol, caffeine, cars, chips, chocolate, cigarettes, computers, drugs, milk, microwaves, pies, pizza, speed, sunshine, television. Why is it that all the good things in life are bad for you? Even sex can have nasty side effects like gonorrhea and babies.

In fact I can't think of many bad things which are bad for you once you take violence and sex crimes out of the mix. There are no bad things, there are just good things, lots of tempting, life-threatening things that you aren't supposed to eat/commit/watch or put into yours or anyone else's orifices.

What good things are good for me? Sport is ok but I'd rather have a pie dinner and both seem equally responsible for heart attacks. Going for regular walks is recommended by the government but all walks end at the pub or the off-licence, both strictly off-limits.

I want some research body to tell me to stop doing something because otherwise I will be in a permanent state of euphoria, and will never grow old or get sick. There must be something that is too good for me apart from the Piranha, and that's only according to her mother. She doesn't have any conclusive scientific proof, although I suspect she might be right.

My quest to find something I can do safely to excess starts now. Right after I finish this fag and cup of coffee. Oh bugger.